How To Handle A Separation
Seeing your marriage gradually dissolve is not pleasant, and it's understandable that you might want to do everything you can to save it from fully disintegrating into a divorce. One such step is to try a separation period to see if getting some space can clear away a lot of the emotional noise that's built up around tense situations at home, kind of like how sleeping on a problem often leads to finding the solution the next day. But if you do try a separation, you need to have a plan. Left unchecked, a separation can quickly grow into confirmation that divorce is the only solution. But with a plan, you and your spouse can better make use of the time to really evaluate your marriage.
Set a Time Limit
Have an end point to the separation, at which time you and your spouse would move back in together and discuss how things went. It could be that one of you really preferred to be away, in which case, divorce is the next step (even if one wants to keep the marriage, if one wants out, the other really can't stop that person from filing). Go for a few months to a year if things are really bad. The time away will give you an idea of just how annoying or distressing the marriage might have been -- or it could show you that the annoying stuff was not nearly as major as you thought it was.
Agree on Relationship Rules
Sometimes spouses in the middle of a separation want to date other people. You and your spouse have to agree on what to do here. This is really personal preference, though if one spouse goes off and dates someone else, he or she could end up deciding to leave the other spouse even if the marriage hadn't been that rocky previously.
Get a Legally Binding Separation Agreement
As you agree on rules, have your lawyers (each of you should have a separate lawyer) draw up a binding agreement. It doesn't have to be detailed; it can be as basic as listing how long the separation will go on. But it's better to have something in writing before you two try separating. At the very least, list the deadline and try to nail down agreements that neither spouse will move to another area where he or she might have an unfair advantage due to the other state's laws regarding divorce.
Know Why You're Going the Separation Route First
Also, be very clear on why you're trying separation instead of divorce. For some people, heading straight to divorce is actually better. But for those who have just been caught up in a particular negative cycle, the separation can help clear their heads. If you want to discuss more in depth regarding separation, contact a separation and divorce attorney.