What To Do If You Suspect Your Ex-Spouse Is Turning The Kids Against You
Ideally, when two people get a divorce, they'd work together to co-parent the children and avoid getting in the way of the kids' relationship with the other parent. Unfortunately, this doesn't always occur. Some people channel their antagonism towards their ex-spouses through their kids, actively engaging in behaviors designed to turn the children against the other parent. If you suspect this is happening to you, here is what you can do about it.
Recognize and Log the Signs
The first thing you should do when you suspect parental alienation is start logging the problematic behavior. You may need to prove your suspicions to the court and having a log of how your children have been behaving as well as things your ex may have done to influence them can go a long way towards helping you with your case.
When it comes to parental alienation, one parent is actively engaged in turning the kids away from the other parent. As such, kids who are being essentially indoctrinated to hate the other parent will exhibit a variety of signs, including:
- Increased criticism towards or deprecation of you (e.g. puts you down in front of friends or tries to bully you)
- Making up flimsy excuses to avoid visiting you or being transferred into your custody
- Reduced communication while in the other parent's care; the child may not call or answer texts
- Repeating derogatory statements made by the perpetrating parent
- Bringing up private issues between you and the other parent
- An unnatural preference for being with the perpetrator coupled with a sudden aversion to being around you
- Exhibiting signs of paranoia
Whenever possible, get recordings of conversations or video of bad behavior to help strengthen your case.
Talk to the Perpetrator
The second thing you should is talk to the co-parent about the troubling behavior. Sometimes parents will inadvertently influence kids by talking bad about the other parent in front of them without realizing what they're doing. Before assuming your ex is purposely programming the kids to hate you, discuss the issue with him or her. If necessary, sit with a counselor who can help your ex understand how his or her behavior is harmful to you and the children.
Whatever you do, avoid drawing the kids even further into the situation. Behave as lovingly as you always do and don't give into the urge to fight back by badmouthing the other parent in retaliation. Doing so will only validate the other parent's position in the kids' eyes.
Talk to Your Attorney
If you suspect the other parent is purposefully turning the kids against you, contact your attorney. Parental alienation may be considered a form of child abuse, depending on how aggressive your ex is about programming the children to hate you. You may have a case for obtaining custody of the kids (if you're the non-custodial parent) or limiting visitation. At the very least, you could ask the court to order the parent to attend family therapy to try and sort the situation out.
For more information about this issue or help litigating a case, contact an attorney or visit a site like http://www.liebmannfamilylaw.com/